Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Emma's Revised Story

My last posting was Emma's story about "PomPom's Day," her writing assignment last week. This week, she was supposed to revise her story to make it more interesting--which is something that greatly offended her, since she of course believed that her story was perfect and needed no changes. I felt a little bad, but I pointed out that her sentences, while perfectly spelled and grammatically correct, with excellent punctuation, lacked punch. I got the typical Emma Scowl, but she gamely went back to the old drawing board and produced this, which I do think is a worthy improvement.

Again, if it's too hard to read because it's in pencil:

PomPom is golden. She is a pomeranian. She slept late. Then--her owner got up, and had toast and orange juice. Then her owner got dressed and gave her some wet food. Then they went for a walk around the block.

Much more descriptive.

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